1 00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:59,490 Don't worry. It'll only knock you out for around eight hours. 2 00:01:04,610 --> 00:01:08,410 When you recover, drink a lot of water. You may dehydrate. 3 00:01:08,690 --> 00:01:09,690 Colonel X. 4 00:01:16,270 --> 00:01:17,970 I must warn you. 5 00:01:18,290 --> 00:01:23,130 I intend to cause you quite excruciating pain. 6 00:01:23,510 --> 00:01:24,510 Sounds reasonable. 7 00:01:25,450 --> 00:01:30,950 I would advise you, therefore, to reconsider your position. 8 00:01:31,450 --> 00:01:32,450 No, no, I'm brave. 9 00:01:32,730 --> 00:01:36,330 The agony will be quite exquisite. 10 00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:38,890 Fine, good. 11 00:01:39,250 --> 00:01:40,570 Do you mind if I make a phone call? 12 00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:46,370 Yeah. There's this guy named Dr. Freeway. 13 00:01:46,730 --> 00:01:48,310 He disintegrates brains. 14 00:01:48,530 --> 00:01:49,950 Julie, you've got to get me out of here. 15 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:54,600 When I was a kid, I didn't realise it was this bad. 16 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:58,320 Tough. Now, you are remembering you're due for late duty in about 20 minutes. 17 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:00,840 You're such a comfort, Julie. 18 00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:02,320 Say hi to the Colonel. 19 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:09,940 One last moment to reconsider. 20 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:12,160 Very well, then. 21 00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:16,120 This should prove most interesting. 22 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:20,760 Do your worst, Dr Freeway. You'll never get away with this. 23 00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:35,200 Did I mention I've had my walking cane fitted with a small but effective dart 24 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,140 gun? Oh, thank God that you're here. 25 00:02:38,660 --> 00:02:44,060 That computer over there has been programmed to detonate a nuclear device 26 00:02:44,060 --> 00:02:45,059 somewhere in England. 27 00:02:45,060 --> 00:02:46,220 Just as I suspected. 28 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:47,680 Be careful. 29 00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:48,840 It may be booby -trapped. 30 00:02:49,060 --> 00:02:49,859 Don't worry. 31 00:02:49,860 --> 00:02:52,220 I've had experience in dealing with this kind of technology. 32 00:02:52,780 --> 00:02:57,500 Fortunately, I have a hat pin and a string. 33 00:02:57,940 --> 00:02:58,940 Good Lord. 34 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,500 How could you have known that you'd be deactivating a computer? 35 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:06,960 It's a policy of mine, Sir Edward, always to expect the unexpected. 36 00:03:37,290 --> 00:03:39,410 It's a policy of mine always to expect it. 37 00:04:11,799 --> 00:04:13,160 Peter. Peter's got his good points. 38 00:04:13,540 --> 00:04:14,540 Name them. 39 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:16,399 Personal hygiene. 40 00:04:16,959 --> 00:04:19,660 Andrew, he's got a nice shirt. He started that room himself. 41 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,079 He thought it would make him sound glamorous. 42 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:25,780 Listen, do you really think it's such a good idea to date a guy on the new team? 43 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,920 Don't you think it might just kill the mood a bit, you being his boss? 44 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:30,240 Quite the reverse. 45 00:04:30,340 --> 00:04:32,400 You know, I could dock his pay if I don't have a good time. 46 00:04:33,980 --> 00:04:34,980 Hi. 47 00:04:35,780 --> 00:04:37,200 Well, here goes. 48 00:04:37,740 --> 00:04:39,560 You really think Spike's the jealous type? 49 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:41,160 He's about to be. 50 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:45,120 You just entered a room without a string of gags about how pretty you are. I 51 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,500 want to talk about it. Oh, it's a bad story, boss. 52 00:04:47,940 --> 00:04:49,760 My ego got so big that it left me. 53 00:04:51,460 --> 00:04:54,980 Mike, you know how you said you wanted to start dating other women while you 54 00:04:54,980 --> 00:04:58,160 tried to figure out how you feel about me? What I said more accurately, Linda, 55 00:04:58,180 --> 00:05:02,100 was that I'd rather date any other woman in the entire universe, regardless of 56 00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:06,260 size, shape, age, creed or species than you. Sure, but if none of those 57 00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:07,700 relationships work out, we're an item. 58 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:12,020 Thing is... I've decided I should start seeing other people, too, and I think 59 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:13,020 you should know I've got a date. 60 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:15,120 Oh, good. 61 00:05:15,740 --> 00:05:16,740 What do you mean, good? 62 00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:20,120 I just told you I've got a date. So what do you want from me? A reference? 63 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:22,280 What's his name? 64 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:26,760 Uh... Oh, I see. You've got a date, but you just don't know who with. 65 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:28,560 Well, I've narrowed it way down. 66 00:05:29,260 --> 00:05:30,260 You know what, Linda? 67 00:05:30,780 --> 00:05:33,160 You couldn't get a date if you were paying for it. 68 00:05:33,660 --> 00:05:34,660 Of course I could. 69 00:05:35,060 --> 00:05:36,360 We've got loads in petty cash. 70 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,620 Okay. I'll make you a deal. 71 00:05:40,260 --> 00:05:41,260 Not interested. 72 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:44,620 Julie, tell Jeff both his articles are completely lousy and he's on window 73 00:05:44,620 --> 00:05:47,440 cleaning due to silly shapes. I didn't even read them. 74 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:49,500 But my windows need cleaning, okay? 75 00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:54,420 Linda, you get a proper, legitimate, unpaid date without the use of even 76 00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:57,080 force and I'll cook dinner for you both. 77 00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:01,740 What? You know I'm a great cook. A candlelit dinner for two at the venue of 78 00:06:01,740 --> 00:06:03,700 choice. I'm chef and head waiter. 79 00:06:04,180 --> 00:06:05,360 What do you get out of that? 80 00:06:05,660 --> 00:06:08,770 Nothing. Because it's never going to happen. Because no guy would ever want 81 00:06:08,770 --> 00:06:09,669 have dinner with you. 82 00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:10,670 You should know this, Linda. 83 00:06:10,890 --> 00:06:12,830 Guys don't like you. Of course they do. 84 00:06:14,710 --> 00:06:15,710 Why don't they? 85 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:20,070 They do tend to have an image of you as sort of a ruthless, ambitious 86 00:06:20,070 --> 00:06:21,090 monomaniac. 87 00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:22,990 See? 88 00:06:23,190 --> 00:06:24,350 So is it a bet or what? 89 00:06:25,350 --> 00:06:26,350 I'll find a man. 90 00:06:27,130 --> 00:06:29,170 Just you make sure I've got something to feed him. 91 00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:32,470 I'll bring the food. You bring the meat. 92 00:06:33,350 --> 00:06:34,730 You're going to regret this, Thompson. 93 00:06:35,370 --> 00:06:37,170 This is going to be the meal of a lifetime. 94 00:06:37,890 --> 00:06:39,650 Well, in that case, we both better get shopping. 95 00:06:44,050 --> 00:06:45,390 What have I got myself into? 96 00:06:46,070 --> 00:06:47,070 The usual. 97 00:06:47,210 --> 00:06:48,490 And it's about up to your neck. 98 00:06:51,830 --> 00:06:52,850 Hello, tunic of that. 99 00:06:55,010 --> 00:06:56,010 What? 100 00:06:59,530 --> 00:07:02,990 Now, keep in mind he's been concussed and we've still got him heavily sedated, 101 00:07:03,050 --> 00:07:05,780 so... It's entirely possible he won't know who you are. 102 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:06,699 I see. 103 00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:09,580 We wouldn't have come if we'd known he was that bad. Yeah, you guys could have 104 00:07:09,580 --> 00:07:10,580 just told him we'd visited. 105 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,740 Well, feel free to sit with him for a while, but unless he wakes himself up, 106 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:15,900 please make no attempt to bring him round. 107 00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:17,160 Don't worry, we'll let the herd. 108 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,560 Fred, why are you listening? 109 00:07:21,060 --> 00:07:23,000 What? Concast, he won't know who you are. 110 00:07:23,340 --> 00:07:25,900 Right. I was going to ask him to have dinner with me. 111 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,100 Linda, you've upset him now. 112 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:30,320 Hi, Fred. 113 00:07:31,420 --> 00:07:32,420 What happened? 114 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:35,360 It's probably best if you don't think about it just yet. You were mugged, 115 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:39,300 though. You were found unconscious and kind of roughed up in an alleyway off 116 00:07:39,300 --> 00:07:42,920 Hartford Road. We assume you were mugged because your wallet was missing. 117 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:45,920 So, where's Spike? 118 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:49,080 Well, he came along, but we lost him somewhere. You know how it is. This 119 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:50,080 is full of nurses. 120 00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:52,700 But do you get it, though? I mean, it's such an ugly uniform. 121 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:53,920 So uncomfortable. 122 00:07:57,920 --> 00:07:59,860 So you really don't remember anything, then? 123 00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:01,780 No. 124 00:08:05,659 --> 00:08:09,040 Are you okay? 125 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:10,960 Yeah, I'm fine. 126 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:15,200 I'm just a bit tired. 127 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:16,359 Oh, sure. 128 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:17,440 You get some sleep. 129 00:08:17,900 --> 00:08:21,220 And we'll tell Spike to make another try. I'm sure he'll make it this far 130 00:08:21,220 --> 00:08:22,220 sometime. 131 00:08:22,340 --> 00:08:25,560 And Fred, if there's anything you want, you just contact the newsroom. We'll see 132 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:26,319 to it. 133 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:27,320 All right? 134 00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:29,900 He's asleep. 135 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,440 Does that mean we can go now? 136 00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:10,580 No! It is exceptionally unwise to venture into the back streets of any 137 00:09:10,580 --> 00:09:12,460 without some knowledge of unarmed combat. 138 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:14,880 Or perhaps the flamethrower in your signet ring. 139 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,480 Odd places, hospitals, aren't they? 140 00:09:19,980 --> 00:09:20,980 You don't exist. 141 00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:24,240 You're a character from a TV show I used to watch when I was a kid. 142 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:26,400 Sorry, I just thought I'd mention it. 143 00:09:28,460 --> 00:09:32,880 You know, the head nurse here reminds me rather of Baroness von Sternin, the 144 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:33,880 famous German assassin. 145 00:09:34,940 --> 00:09:35,940 Oh, good. 146 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,260 It's not her, of course. 147 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:42,120 The Baroness died a few years ago when she inadvertently wore one of her own 148 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:43,700 exploding necklaces to the opera. 149 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:45,200 Tragic business. 150 00:09:45,740 --> 00:09:49,360 The lead soprano was terrified about being a high E ever again. 151 00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:50,980 They're crazy. 152 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:52,640 What's crazy, Franz? 153 00:09:53,580 --> 00:09:56,260 Colonel X was a kid's TV series ten years ago. 154 00:09:56,670 --> 00:09:59,290 It got axed because the actor that played you died in a car crash. 155 00:09:59,490 --> 00:10:00,309 John England. 156 00:10:00,310 --> 00:10:01,590 Does the name mean anything to you? 157 00:10:01,990 --> 00:10:03,810 Should it? Well, you're wearing his face. 158 00:10:04,510 --> 00:10:06,870 I'm not currently in one of my disguises, Fraz. 159 00:10:07,310 --> 00:10:08,810 I checked before I came out. 160 00:10:09,950 --> 00:10:12,670 It's funny, isn't it? I mean, most people, they get knocked on the head, 161 00:10:12,670 --> 00:10:15,590 get a migraine or something like that. I start picking up kids' television. 162 00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:19,090 Perhaps you'd better rest now, Fraz. You're talking rather oddly. 163 00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:21,770 Not unlike my mother did. 164 00:10:22,570 --> 00:10:26,770 shortly before I discovered she'd been replaced by an identical robot replica. 165 00:10:28,330 --> 00:10:30,310 I still pray I blew out the right one. 166 00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:32,130 You're right. 167 00:10:32,690 --> 00:10:34,790 You don't exist, but you're right. 168 00:10:35,370 --> 00:10:36,370 Rest now, Franz. 169 00:10:37,230 --> 00:10:39,630 We have much to do when your strength is restored. 170 00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,830 I'll return when the moment is propitious. 171 00:10:42,490 --> 00:10:44,290 And if I may, I'll leave you my card. 172 00:10:44,990 --> 00:10:46,010 Whatever you say. 173 00:10:46,790 --> 00:10:50,630 And remember, Franz, expect the unexpected. 174 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,020 Always expect the unexpected. 175 00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:35,000 Look, why don't you just tell Spike you give in? Because I'd rather die than let 176 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,280 Spike win anything ever. 177 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:39,460 Why? You know what he's like. He's so competitive. 178 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:43,700 Oh, well, I keep telling him there's only one guy left who hasn't turned you 179 00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:44,700 down. 180 00:11:44,860 --> 00:11:46,480 He's your last shot. 181 00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:57,260 Colin, I'm not going to beat about the bush. I'd like to have dinner with you. 182 00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:58,280 Take it or leave it. 183 00:11:58,360 --> 00:11:59,360 What? 184 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:01,460 I find you very attractive. 185 00:12:03,220 --> 00:12:05,100 So take that look off your stupid face. 186 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:07,380 Attractive? Yes. 187 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:08,820 Is that so surprising? 188 00:12:09,460 --> 00:12:13,100 Well, there is that rule you've got about me being in the same room while 189 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:16,600 eating. And remember that time I accidentally touched your hand? You 190 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:17,600 over a desk. 191 00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:18,780 That was flirting. 192 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:21,860 It's just dinner for two with no one else around. 193 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,320 Except Spike. He'll be cooking. 194 00:12:32,940 --> 00:12:33,919 He said yes. 195 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,640 Oh, and he may need some medical attention. 196 00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:43,240 We got a call from your head office. They want all the locks changed on these 197 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,240 doors. 198 00:12:44,460 --> 00:12:47,800 Apparently, you got some newspaper reporters sneaking around trying to take 199 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:48,800 look at your files. 200 00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:52,820 Miss Madden, could I ask you to step outside and push the key under the door, 201 00:12:52,860 --> 00:12:53,860 please? Certainly. 202 00:12:57,800 --> 00:12:58,860 I'll just be a few minutes. 203 00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:08,420 Right, so where were we? You were having this crazy dream in hospital about 204 00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:11,800 Colonel X visiting you. Yeah, you've got Colonel X in the States, right? Yeah, 205 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:12,820 sure, but never in person. 206 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:16,160 So in the dream, yeah, just before he leaves, Colonel X says he's going to 207 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:17,280 me one of his calling cards. 208 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,140 Oh, I remember those. A card with a big black X on them, right? Right. 209 00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:23,740 So anyway, in the morning, I found this. 210 00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:27,080 In the box of chocolates that Julie gave me. 211 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:28,520 What? 212 00:13:29,780 --> 00:13:30,780 Turn it over. 213 00:13:32,910 --> 00:13:34,970 An official Colonel X calling card. 214 00:13:35,350 --> 00:13:37,970 Just to remind you what's waiting when you get back to work. 215 00:13:38,290 --> 00:13:39,290 Love, Julie. 216 00:13:39,690 --> 00:13:41,810 Well, it must have given you an interesting few moments. 217 00:13:42,110 --> 00:13:43,110 You're not kidding. 218 00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:45,030 Okay, right. Back to work, huh? 219 00:13:47,270 --> 00:13:48,189 Excuse me. 220 00:13:48,190 --> 00:13:52,090 Mr. Martingale said I could use the photocopier. Of course. It's right 221 00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:53,750 Thanks. 222 00:14:06,380 --> 00:14:08,120 Did you really think you'd seen the light of me? 223 00:14:08,540 --> 00:14:10,260 Did you really think it would be so easy? 224 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,080 You're a fool, Dr. Freeways. 225 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:17,380 Now tell me, which of the royal family did you replace seven years ago with a 226 00:14:17,380 --> 00:14:18,380 robot replica? 227 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:24,560 I see no reason why I shouldn't tell you. 228 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,120 It was him. 229 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,300 No, no, no. Go away. 230 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:46,960 Go away! 231 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:50,840 Not 232 00:14:50,840 --> 00:15:02,560 heading 233 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:03,159 off then? 234 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:04,400 No, I don't want to go home yet. 235 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,660 Well, you can't stay here too long, I'm afraid. It's Linda's big meal here 236 00:15:07,660 --> 00:15:09,360 tonight with Colin, would you believe? 237 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:11,240 You all right? 238 00:15:13,130 --> 00:15:14,330 You've been really quiet all day. 239 00:15:15,990 --> 00:15:16,990 I'm fine. 240 00:15:18,130 --> 00:15:19,190 Well, hang in there. 241 00:15:24,670 --> 00:15:31,490 The moment 242 00:15:31,490 --> 00:15:32,490 has come, Fred. 243 00:15:32,590 --> 00:15:35,330 I need your assistance in a matter of the gravest importance. 244 00:15:37,590 --> 00:15:40,790 Look, no offence, would you just get out of my head, please? 245 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,640 I don't like socialising with fictional characters. 246 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,000 That's interesting. 247 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:48,560 Actually, Kraus, I was once a fictional character. 248 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:53,160 The diabolical St. John Squareheart used his deadly fictionalising ray on me. 249 00:15:53,940 --> 00:15:54,939 Fictionalising ray? 250 00:15:54,940 --> 00:15:59,080 Exactly. I spent two weeks as a minor character in Hound of the Baskervilles. 251 00:15:59,300 --> 00:16:00,239 Of course you did. 252 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:05,080 Fortunately, I managed to escape, along with Desmond Hargrove, another character 253 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:06,420 from that fine mystery novel. 254 00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:10,040 I've read Hound of the Baskervilles. There's no -one called Desmond Hargrove, 255 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:11,040 there? 256 00:16:11,420 --> 00:16:12,600 Well, there isn't now. 257 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,720 Look, what I'm trying to say is you're just my imagination. 258 00:16:17,180 --> 00:16:20,280 And I must admit, it's better than I thought it was. I don't quite follow 259 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,280 you're saying, Kraz. 260 00:16:21,420 --> 00:16:24,420 I got a knock on the head. I started seeing characters from some kid's show. 261 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:30,140 I need to complain myself to a symptom of concussion. You seem to have a higher 262 00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:33,760 opinion of me in your youth. You sent me some very nice letters. I was 263 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:38,140 particularly touched by your request for one of my machine gun walking canes. 264 00:16:41,770 --> 00:16:42,770 Hi, Pitt. 265 00:16:43,910 --> 00:16:44,910 Hi. 266 00:16:45,790 --> 00:16:50,330 Now I, your childhood hero, turn up and ask for help and find my request 267 00:16:50,330 --> 00:16:51,330 ignored. 268 00:16:53,210 --> 00:16:54,210 Oh, how are you? 269 00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:55,430 I'm fine. 270 00:16:58,430 --> 00:17:02,630 Very well, then. Since you are treating me as if I don't exist, I will leave now 271 00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:04,710 and return later this evening. 272 00:17:05,050 --> 00:17:09,770 When, I calculate, events will have reached their terrible crisis. 273 00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:17,190 Hitler, you're probably wondering why I was talking to myself when you came in 274 00:17:17,190 --> 00:17:18,009 back there. 275 00:17:18,010 --> 00:17:19,010 No, not really. 276 00:17:19,510 --> 00:17:20,829 Franz, can I ask you a question? 277 00:17:21,130 --> 00:17:22,630 Sure. Why are you ignoring that man? 278 00:17:24,230 --> 00:17:27,329 You can see him? Of course I can see him. Hi. 279 00:17:28,490 --> 00:17:29,750 Good evening, dear lady. 280 00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:31,650 You're cute. 281 00:17:33,670 --> 00:17:34,930 People can see you? 282 00:17:35,370 --> 00:17:37,750 I told you at the very beginning, Franz. 283 00:17:38,730 --> 00:17:40,110 Expect the unexpected. 284 00:18:05,580 --> 00:18:08,420 I'm glad you didn't tell me to go away this time, Mr. Davis. 285 00:18:08,660 --> 00:18:11,860 Oh, yeah, sorry about that. I thought you were someone else. I'm Dr. Clipstone 286 00:18:11,860 --> 00:18:14,520 from the Norbridge Psychiatric Hospital. 287 00:18:15,340 --> 00:18:18,720 I think you and I ought to discuss John England. 288 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:34,720 He's kind of late, isn't he? 289 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:36,560 Maybe something's happened. 290 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,200 He'll be here. 291 00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:40,660 If there was a problem, he'd have told me by now. 292 00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:43,500 I'll just get that excuse. 293 00:18:43,820 --> 00:18:44,820 Phone. 294 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:47,360 I'll just get that phone. 295 00:18:50,180 --> 00:18:51,260 Hello, Junior Gazette. 296 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:53,560 Hello, Colin. 297 00:18:56,020 --> 00:18:57,020 I see. 298 00:18:58,720 --> 00:18:59,720 No, that's fine. 299 00:18:59,940 --> 00:19:00,940 I understand. 300 00:19:02,540 --> 00:19:03,540 Die soon, Colin. 301 00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:09,160 Colin won't be able to make it. 302 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:12,360 He's been unavoidably kidnapped by terrorists. 303 00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:32,900 I should be touched really. 304 00:19:33,870 --> 00:19:36,810 He even went to the trouble of having people shouting in the background in 305 00:19:36,810 --> 00:19:37,810 foreign accents. 306 00:19:39,810 --> 00:19:43,090 It's amazing how far people go to avoid spending an evening with me. 307 00:19:44,010 --> 00:19:45,890 Pretending to be kidnapped is not that far. 308 00:19:46,110 --> 00:19:48,230 He offered to send one of his fingers as proof. 309 00:19:51,130 --> 00:19:52,190 You were right, Spike. 310 00:19:53,390 --> 00:19:55,410 People don't like me. Hey, come on. 311 00:19:57,690 --> 00:20:01,490 Maybe I'm finally learning that being smart and being right isn't a license to 312 00:20:01,490 --> 00:20:02,490 treat people like dirt. 313 00:20:05,050 --> 00:20:09,010 Wendy, you're talking all kind of sane and nice. 314 00:20:09,270 --> 00:20:10,270 Nobody move. 315 00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:12,170 I am Colonel X. 316 00:20:13,070 --> 00:20:15,310 Oh, now I get it. This is a dream. 317 00:20:16,250 --> 00:20:17,250 Colonel X? 318 00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:18,710 Like on the television? 319 00:20:21,490 --> 00:20:22,570 Can you see him too? 320 00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:25,710 Of course he can see me. I'm not wearing my invisibility cloak. 321 00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:27,930 Actually, I couldn't find it. 322 00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:29,270 This is wild. 323 00:20:29,550 --> 00:20:31,230 I don't normally get them this vivid. 324 00:20:35,180 --> 00:20:36,240 Spike, you're not dreaming. 325 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:37,279 I know. 326 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,640 You wait any second. Now this room's going to be full of nurses. 327 00:20:39,940 --> 00:20:41,340 I'm sorry, Spike. You're wide awake. 328 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:43,320 He's really here. 329 00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:45,540 You were really being sane. 330 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,900 I'm delighted you've decided to believe in me, Brad. 331 00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:50,760 Yeah, Dr. Clipstone, I was right. He's here. 332 00:20:51,060 --> 00:20:53,060 Could you get over to the newsroom as quickly as possible? 333 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:54,480 Dr. Clipstone. 334 00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:58,280 The name seems vaguely familiar. 335 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,720 I have a problem, Colonel X. I was wondering if I could talk to you about 336 00:21:05,050 --> 00:21:06,050 Of course. 337 00:21:06,770 --> 00:21:08,850 See, there was once a guy named John England. 338 00:21:09,550 --> 00:21:11,290 Funny thing, he looked exactly like you. 339 00:21:11,530 --> 00:21:13,750 Ah, a robot. No, an axer. 340 00:21:14,810 --> 00:21:16,410 It's a bit of a sad story, really. 341 00:21:17,010 --> 00:21:19,710 He was killed in a car accident along with his wife. 342 00:21:20,350 --> 00:21:21,530 That is a sad story. 343 00:21:21,750 --> 00:21:22,750 Yes, but there's a twist. 344 00:21:23,770 --> 00:21:25,350 See, he didn't actually really die. 345 00:21:25,850 --> 00:21:27,470 His wife did, but he survived. 346 00:21:27,770 --> 00:21:30,910 The press misreported the story and his family decided not to correct the 347 00:21:30,910 --> 00:21:32,410 mistake. How strange. 348 00:21:32,890 --> 00:21:33,890 Why not? 349 00:21:34,630 --> 00:21:35,770 Out of kindness, perhaps? 350 00:21:36,730 --> 00:21:40,950 See, John England couldn't quite cope with what had happened. He began to lose 351 00:21:40,950 --> 00:21:41,849 it a bit. 352 00:21:41,850 --> 00:21:43,290 Ended up in a psychiatric hospital. 353 00:21:43,590 --> 00:21:44,810 And now he thinks he's you. 354 00:21:48,050 --> 00:21:50,750 I was wondering, Colonel X, if you had any advice. 355 00:21:52,930 --> 00:21:55,810 I think I know what you're trying to say to me, Fraz. You do? 356 00:21:56,490 --> 00:21:58,050 I fear you were somewhat misguided. 357 00:22:00,070 --> 00:22:01,690 Let us imagine this John England. 358 00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:06,600 It is entirely possible that he's not a particularly happy man. 359 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:12,860 Perhaps he's become hopelessly typecast in one role, and his acting career is 360 00:22:12,860 --> 00:22:13,860 effectively over. 361 00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:17,400 He may even drink rather too much. 362 00:22:19,100 --> 00:22:23,960 Possibly he even blames himself for the accident that killed his wife. 363 00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:30,000 In those circumstances, is it so odd that he decides to become someone else? 364 00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:32,920 Are you telling me he's happy at walking around thinking that he's Colonel X? 365 00:22:33,100 --> 00:22:34,100 Why not? 366 00:22:34,260 --> 00:22:39,160 After all, you'd have to be mad to be John England. 367 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,560 You're a very wise man, Colonel X. 368 00:22:46,940 --> 00:22:50,040 Well, I've had some experience in the area of mental illness. 369 00:22:50,380 --> 00:22:53,520 I've heard that. As a matter of fact, my departure from that field was rather 370 00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:54,520 sudden. 371 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,160 I fear it may have caused some consternation. 372 00:22:59,659 --> 00:23:01,060 Perhaps it's time I was getting back. 373 00:23:02,060 --> 00:23:03,080 There's someone on their way. 374 00:23:04,220 --> 00:23:06,000 I chose you well, Riles. 375 00:23:07,140 --> 00:23:09,680 I'm sorry I've not had more time to make your acquaintance. 376 00:23:10,020 --> 00:23:11,020 Spike Thompson. 377 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:13,940 We got a show in the States, sir. I loved it. 378 00:23:14,340 --> 00:23:17,360 America is a fine young country, Spike, with a great deal of potential. 379 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:18,840 Thank you. 380 00:23:20,420 --> 00:23:21,279 Linda Day. 381 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:22,280 Dear lady. 382 00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,820 You remind me, rather, of my one true love. 383 00:23:28,580 --> 00:23:29,580 Olga Romanov. 384 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:33,040 She was head of a Russian suicide squad, so our relationship was necessarily 385 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:34,040 brief. 386 00:23:34,900 --> 00:23:38,480 Colonel X, would you have dinner with me? 387 00:23:39,220 --> 00:23:40,640 I would be delighted. 388 00:23:44,140 --> 00:23:45,460 Check this out for a date. 389 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:48,520 I take it you've just unlearned where you're going wrong in life. 390 00:23:48,980 --> 00:23:49,980 Get cooking, Sulla. 391 00:24:07,790 --> 00:24:09,030 I think everything's under control. 392 00:24:09,630 --> 00:24:11,310 Could you maybe give it a couple more hours? 393 00:24:16,730 --> 00:24:17,730 Bon appetit. 394 00:24:19,030 --> 00:24:20,030 Thank you.